So I have been having recurrent dreams about my x husband for well over 4 years now. It seems as though they started the day I was dismissed from his house. They come and go, but when they come, it is abundant. Sometimes they have his new wife in there, sometimes it's just him. Either way, there is still a great feeling of care wrapped around it and I feel welcome. Here lately, though, the wife has been no where around. He has either been all alone or with his daughter. The last 4 dreams were of his acceptance of me and pursuing to get back together with me. These dreams are lovely. Dreams that I do not want to wake up from. Yet they are dreams that leave me numb and bewildered. I usually don't speak after these dreams for my mind is still trapped in the solitude of him and I and never wanting to escape it. Which leaves me to one lingering question....Am I not over him like I thought I was? If not, how long will this grieving actually last? This is what I have learned on grieving...that there are several steps which are not linear; they cycle back and forth and you can stay in a couple of phases at the same time which can make up for a lot of craziness. Initially, the first is denial, next comes in the anger, ambivalence, depression, and last, the sense of quietness. I do know that I have shifted from all of these several times through the course of 4 1/2 years. Did you read that? FOUR AND A HALF YEARS!!!! To this, I am baffled, although it did take me approximately 7 years to "get over" my first divorce, although this one is much more debilitating to me. So just as I promised to ramble about random subjects, there it is. Am I acknowledging that I have gone bonkers and am weak and cannot let go of the past, therefore I need intensive therapy and close surveillance? No. This is a normal process. For some, it takes longer than the others and I just happen to be one of some. This too shall pass, but in the meantime....sweet dreams. :)
Until next time....
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